Soldier of the Two Worlds

"Soldier of the two worlds" refers to the Sufi way. I am a sufi, by the way, a fact which may have eluded even those closest to me. Contrary to popular belief (and wikipedia) sufism is not islam. It is a path and a philosophy to which many muslims adhere because the Prophet Mohammed meditated and prayed in silence and the travelling Sufi teachers met Mohammed and declared he was a Sufi because of this. I like the teachings of Irina Tweedie who was a Russian lady who married a British man who left her a widow in her 50s and she embarked on a personal journey to India where she met a Hindu Sufi guru who every called Bhai Sahib (big brother) who saw in Mrs Tweedie the opportunity to transfer the Sufi teachings of his particular lineage to the West. Mrs Tweedie underwent a super-quick Enlightenment - a process which normally takes whole lifetimes over many lifetimes only took her a matter of years. Her book "Daughter of Fire" refers to this baptism of fire that she had because certainly Enlightenment is not an easy process. Bhai Sahib said that Enlightenment is the hardest thing to do when you are doing it and the easiest thing once its done. The pain and suffering that Mrs Tweedie endured was the dissolving and eradicating of her Ego. And, for sure, that Ego puts up quite a fight!

And it is this notion of fighting that I wanted to pick up on in this post. The phrase "Soldier of the Two Worlds" is a quote from Mrs Tweedie that describes the Sufi way. The myth of the Warrior permeates many of the mystic teachings.

In the Bhagavad Gita Arjuna represents the Individual as he stood on the battlefield and looked at the two warring sides, each side brothers and cousins fighting other brothers and cousins, and Arjuna despaired.  Arjuna instructs his friend and charioteer Krishna to drive the chariot between the two sides and Arjuna sinks to his knees and gives up, despondent and despairing, he looks to Krishna to guide him in his darkest moment (always darkest before the dawn). It turns out that despite knowing Krishna all his life little did Arjuna know that Krishna was an avatar, an earthly incarnation of the Divine. To cut a long (but wonderful) story short Krishna counsels Arjuna that you never give up the fight. Once in battle you cannot absent yourself from your duty to fight because certainly you will be lost, your loved ones will be lost and all that you stand for will be destroyed. The battle is bigger than the self so it will rage unchecked if you refuse to play your part.

And so it is in our every day lives. The message is clear on the one hand but many faceted and layered on the other. Simply NEVER give up. Your life, your path, your destiny was never meant to be easy. (see previous blog about Destiny and Gratitude). Never give up.

The layers within this warrior myth is that it is not a carte blanche to continue to fight others. This is why I come to this discussion in my discord around Peace. Since so many world religions carry the icon of the warrior how can we elevate ourselves from the dogma to find the peace within the tradition? Please remember that I personally do not subscribe to a religion, I draw the distinction between religion and spirituality. Many people who are religious are also spiritual and I recognise them as brothers and sisters. One of the most spiritual of my friends is an Atheist and we have the most wonderful conversations (love you Annie).

Anyway I digress... where was I? The warrior and the peaceful path.

Gandhi saw the story of the Gita as an analogy for the battle within ourselves and Arjuna, like Mrs Tweedie, needed their fear-based ego removed before they could look at life anew with enlightened eyes. All conflict is about the Ego. The lower self that believes itself to be so special but is also riddled with fear and is driven towards self preservation. The lower self is the part of us that identifies with this lifetime, this reality and only that. I am what I do for a living, I am what I own, I am what I say I am... I, I, I, me, me, me. It is the Ego which loves the 4 drugs that I referred to in my last post: Anger, self pity, drama and misery.

The Ego is essential as part of the human package. It has to exist not only so it can be transcended but also because it looks out for us in a "looking after number one" kind of way. Personally I feel that if you "fight" the ego it becomes stronger. Same as if you fight anything it becomes stronger. You can apply this to illness and dis-ease within the body and mind which in itself is a manifestation of our inner conflict. If you fight it you make it stronger. If you reject it and ignore it it shouts louder and louder. Physical pain, illness, ailments - just like the Ego - are messengers and emissaries of peace on the battle ground of yourself.

So what can you do with these internal battles? Do you allow them to fight? Do you try and escape and seek oblivion? Well... the important piece of information that is missing here is that the Ego battles are not the whole of the Self. There is a Higher Self that tempers and balances the lower self. The part of you that can observe what you are thinking, can observe how you are feeling is not the thinker or the feeler. It is the part of you that is incapable of harming either yourself or others, that is completely beyond the to-ings and fro-ings of day to day existence.

The higher self - if you believe in a higher power - is that direct connection to the divine. If you don't believe in a higher power it is still your own personal god, your highest wisdom and seat of your unconditional love and compassion. For those that believe in reincarnation it is your soul as compared to your personality which is your current incarnation. This Observer to the battle cannot be harmed and it is in recognising the Observer that you start to loosen your addiction to the battle itself. By loosening your attachments to things that matter to your ego the battle starts to fall away and we gain Inner Peace.

Gandhi said "Be the Change you wish to see in the world" and what I have just outlined above is why this is his greatest of all his great teachings. For there to be Peace without oneself there must be peace within. All conflict comes from someone, or a collective, indulging their ego, living out their fears, taking what's not theirs and then others feeling that their ego is offended and fighting back.

An understanding that all that happens in the outside world is a reflection of what happens within yourself and vice versa helps us to understand the importance of self-development and settling into our inner peace.

It would be nice to say that we were born with inner peace but for those of us who believe in reincarnation and karma that is not the case. But that is talking about incarnate personality - the transcendent soul - the higher self - is always at peace. So just as fighting something makes it stronger so trying to achieve something makes it harder. If we are trying to achieve inner peace that assumes that we have not got it when in fact our natural state is one of peace and all that has happened is that we have strayed away from it.

So it is my belief that best thing we can do is instead of trying to do or achieve something is to accept that you either have it or are it or let it go. This is about gratitude again - and acceptance. What do you want more than anything in the world? ... look at how you already have it and be grateful and accept it.

Shall I give you a case study of myself... more than anything in the world I want a child, I want to be a mother. The internal battles that have characterised my teens and 20s centred around my uneasy relationship with my femininity. I had physical conditions that potentially rendered me infertile. I was miserably overweight and lacked self esteem which meant that I was unlikely to attract a father for that child. My personality wanted to be needed, to have something to care for, something worth living for, my ego wanted the pride that came from producing a child, to belong to society, to relive the happy times of my childhood. Me me me, I I I.

Can I recognise how I am already a mother? Yes, I am a nurturing and caring person. I love the contact I have with young people and the work that I do. More importantly I have come to realise that my desire to have a child was about needing to look after my inner child. I needed to nurture myself rather than looking for something outside of myself to care for. I was fighting my own inner child's voice because I didn't want to deal with the emotions that came up. In ignoring those emotions they became more and more needy, louder and louder. In accepting that there is a part of me that is a child that needs love I am able to love myself. The emotions calm, the symptoms recede and I can lovingly say to myself that I don't need to have a child to be valuable in society, I don't need a child to feel unconditional love... because I love you little Willow and you are of the highest value.

Inner peace. Not that I am proclaiming to be a living embodiment of inner peace and serenity - she laughs heartily - it is a journey and I am perhaps just one step further along than I was.

The point is that we are all tortured - to a greater or lesser extent - by the conflicts, the many voices, the fears and the insecurities - the anger, the drama, the self pity and the misery - of the ego, the personality.

The task - as I see it - is to not to absent yourself from the battle by taking substances or food or committing suicide or immersing into the emotional sea. The task is to accept that all that you seek you already have within. All that you wish you were you are already.

And that radiates from you into your world. The more peaceful you are the less conflict you experience with others. "There is no fight within me therefore you can't fight me" (a quote I think I coined but might have subconsciously remembered from elsewhere). As you fight less with others they also benefit from this peace. And the ripples emanate outwards. What conflicts might occur does not touch you because it has no access to your fears. You are the observer, you have become your Observer. The Higher Self.

So when Mrs Tweedie referred to the sufi path as being "the Soldier of the two worlds" what I interpret as the two worlds is the higher and lower self, the inner and outer world, this incarnation and the soul's journey, the duality of humanity. A soldier of love, a peacemaker, a diplomat. A soldier of discipline, non-violence and equanimity. A battle not of conflict with others but to embrace the lower self. To assimilate the ego and have it work for us not against us. To desist from beating up yourself and others for being something when acceptance of what is is the only way to peace.

You are a warrior of light. You belong to this earth - she does not belong to you. You have roots like a tree that connect you to the planet. You have your head in the stars, you are connected to the heavens. The turmoil of this world is acted out before us and we are but a player. Be disciplined and wise in the battles that you choose and never ever give up!