I have been in a quandary recently musing on the nature of destiny and free will. Over the course of my life I can chart the oscillating nature of my relationship to my will. As a child, of course, the theoretical question of whether you are in charge of your own life really doesn't rise in conversation other than the rage that you might feel at being denied what you want. Then over time as you grow older and then move into adolescence I personally found a sense of impotence as events beyond my control shaped me and my world. I became in my bitterness a victim of fate and I surrendered to fate as my conquering king. Then I embark on my conscious spiritual quest and I am given the support and insights to question whether I am victim of fate at all or whether I am in fact master of my own destiny. I rise to that rallying call, you can shape your destiny, you can manifest your desires! But can you? After a time my desires were not manifest and my only way of rationalising that is to blame myself because if I were righteous and true then those desires would be manifest, surely. It was then shared with me in a meditation that I am "servant of this universe first and its queen second" and that insight enabled me to reframe my sense of destiny: that in service came reward, that if my will was to serve then my destiny would unfold. This was about the same sort of time that I replaced the phrase "master of my destiny" with a phrase many of you, my friends, reading this may have heard me use "captain of my own ship". This latter statement to me was more closely aligned to my understanding of the role of my will within a greater destiny. I see myself as a ship in a fleet and the Beloved creator is the Lord Admiral while I am captain of my own vessel. Therefore the range of will I have is great within parameters set by my ultimate commander.
Lately I find that I have been brought to my knees. Literally. And I am called once more to surrender my will to the Higher Will. And initially I have no quarrel with this but then I start to think... was I wrong to ever think I was captain of my own ship? Was I wrong to share that view with others that might attempt to do the same and then find themselves in the mire that I am now in?
And tonight came an understanding that the basis of my quandary was in a fundamental misunderstanding of will. If one believes that free will is the opposite of a life "dictated" by a divine will then one believes in a free will that is material and of our making. Yet within the material world there are only choices. You can have chocolate or vanilla ice cream. This or that. That or this. Your will is only "free" by the extent to which you might accept the range of choices on offer to you. But that choice will always be limited within the material realm because in becoming material something becomes finite. Thus it can never be FREE. So Free Will as opposed to divine Will is a mirage, an illusion.
WILL CAN ONLY BE FREE WHEN IT IS LIBERATED FROM THE MATERIAL REALM. That is to say that only when your will is completely aligned to divine will can your will actually and truelly be free.
And that paradox that is the human interpretation of the Divine Will as limited (fate) is flawed so fundamentally that it drives people to believe that to master one's own destiny is to reject God. But ironically it is in turning one's will over to the divine that you free it and free yourself. Because the more aligned your will is to the divine plan the more likely it is that it will be made material. But if your will starts from a material place and has a material goal it can only blunder around the maze to find itself at the the only false centre through trial and error.
So whether this makes sense to anyone else would be interesting to find out but I am assured and reassured that Captain of my own Ship is a title I can retain so long as I am loyal to my Lord Admiral.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Lessons in life, from our own bodies
Last weekend I went to the Dru centre in Snowdonia. It's where I trained to be a yoga teacher and I volunteer there from time to time. Some weekends I have volunteered there I have worked my socks off and I love it but last weekend I probably didn't pull my weight because I was so tired. No one there would hold that against me at all I know, it's a very special place. There were two courses running one was a teacher training course and the other a Back Pain course which is for people who are already teachers who want to become yoga therapists.
I sat in on a back pain session which was being taught by Coby Langford. Coby is an osteopath and a yogi and I knew that I would learn a lot from her session. Coby and Mansukh Patel have developed a CD which uses yoga to heal back pain and Coby was sharing with the group the process of refinement that she and Mansukh went through in developing their approach. It seems that when people come to Coby with back pain any strengthening exercises that she might give them more often than not would make the pain worse.
Coby explained that the core muscles are postural muscles and the erector spinae muscle along the spine is a movement muscle. Normally the core muscles have a good and regular dialogue with the brain and you don't need to think about switching them on they just work automatically. What happens with many people though is that through poor posture, injury, childbirth or whathaveyou that automatic dialogue between your core muscles and the brain ceases. The messages from the core muscles to the brain can't get through due to the white noise that is bombarding the brain from other muscles that are in pain in the body. The erector spine which is used for movement - not normally posture - has been recruited by the body to help out because the core muscles have gone off line. The poor erector spinae muscles (and often the gluteals as well) have to work very hard to do the job of holding your posture when in fact that was not what they were designed for. They work and work, and they become rigid and tense and they scream with pain. Until you re-establish dialogue between the core muscles and the brain - and you learn to relax and strengthen the other muscles - you will have back pain. The way to switch on that brain/core dialogue is to use the core muscles, contracting them gently, and regularly.
Coby also went on to talk about "strong" muscles. Many people think they have strong back muscles because they work out, or they are well defined or whatever. However the definition of a strong muscle is not one that holds on and holds on tight - like that rigid erector spinae or scrunched up glutes - a strong muscle is one that is able to relax. So... when Coby is working through the back pain programme with people it's very important that they take the time to relax their muscles, to stretch them and release them - this takes up to 2 weeks. It is at this point that they gently start to need to strengthen - so the second part of the programme kicks in. Coby could not emphasise enough how important that period of release and relaxing was in healing back pain.
Now, this, I hope, is very interesting to anyone suffering with back pain and I completely recommend that you get Coby's CD on Back Pain - check out www.druworldwide.com - but the reason it has made it onto my blog is for the lessons I took from Coby's lecture - about myself.
I resonate completely with the story of the core/brain dialogue and the rigid movement muscles on a metaphorical level. I can see in myself that quality of the erector spinae that works so hard, trying its best to be all things to all people - holding things together when my purpose is to be fluid and move. I hear the message that a strong spine is one that can relax - and that it needs to relax then strengthen in order to heal. I also realise that I have lost touch with my core because of the bombardment of chatter and pain that has clogged up my airwaves. All the things I have been trying to do that were not in alignment with my core values and my higher self have distracted and distorted me, pulling me off centre and caused me pain.
So, to take the analogy further I now completely understand why I need time out and why I am burnt out despite having so many tools in my box. I need to relax and release. I need to re-engage my core and re-establish dialogue between my mind and my higher self, to return to my core values. Then I need to rebuild my strength gently so as to not interupt that conversation with god with unnecessary noise from my ever faithful body which has been trying its best, bless it. I know now that to keep going on this ultra marathon will never make me stronger - it will kill me one way or another - real strength is the ability to relax and to let go. To surrender... to the higher self and the gut instincts of my own wisdom.
I share this journey of mine because I learn so much from reading and hearing other people's journeys so I hope this can help others too.
Thank you so much to Coby Langford, Mansukh Patel and everyone at Dru for shining their light. And thank you to me - for being a willing pupil on this path. Namaste xxx
I sat in on a back pain session which was being taught by Coby Langford. Coby is an osteopath and a yogi and I knew that I would learn a lot from her session. Coby and Mansukh Patel have developed a CD which uses yoga to heal back pain and Coby was sharing with the group the process of refinement that she and Mansukh went through in developing their approach. It seems that when people come to Coby with back pain any strengthening exercises that she might give them more often than not would make the pain worse.
Coby explained that the core muscles are postural muscles and the erector spinae muscle along the spine is a movement muscle. Normally the core muscles have a good and regular dialogue with the brain and you don't need to think about switching them on they just work automatically. What happens with many people though is that through poor posture, injury, childbirth or whathaveyou that automatic dialogue between your core muscles and the brain ceases. The messages from the core muscles to the brain can't get through due to the white noise that is bombarding the brain from other muscles that are in pain in the body. The erector spine which is used for movement - not normally posture - has been recruited by the body to help out because the core muscles have gone off line. The poor erector spinae muscles (and often the gluteals as well) have to work very hard to do the job of holding your posture when in fact that was not what they were designed for. They work and work, and they become rigid and tense and they scream with pain. Until you re-establish dialogue between the core muscles and the brain - and you learn to relax and strengthen the other muscles - you will have back pain. The way to switch on that brain/core dialogue is to use the core muscles, contracting them gently, and regularly.
Coby also went on to talk about "strong" muscles. Many people think they have strong back muscles because they work out, or they are well defined or whatever. However the definition of a strong muscle is not one that holds on and holds on tight - like that rigid erector spinae or scrunched up glutes - a strong muscle is one that is able to relax. So... when Coby is working through the back pain programme with people it's very important that they take the time to relax their muscles, to stretch them and release them - this takes up to 2 weeks. It is at this point that they gently start to need to strengthen - so the second part of the programme kicks in. Coby could not emphasise enough how important that period of release and relaxing was in healing back pain.
Now, this, I hope, is very interesting to anyone suffering with back pain and I completely recommend that you get Coby's CD on Back Pain - check out www.druworldwide.com - but the reason it has made it onto my blog is for the lessons I took from Coby's lecture - about myself.
I resonate completely with the story of the core/brain dialogue and the rigid movement muscles on a metaphorical level. I can see in myself that quality of the erector spinae that works so hard, trying its best to be all things to all people - holding things together when my purpose is to be fluid and move. I hear the message that a strong spine is one that can relax - and that it needs to relax then strengthen in order to heal. I also realise that I have lost touch with my core because of the bombardment of chatter and pain that has clogged up my airwaves. All the things I have been trying to do that were not in alignment with my core values and my higher self have distracted and distorted me, pulling me off centre and caused me pain.
So, to take the analogy further I now completely understand why I need time out and why I am burnt out despite having so many tools in my box. I need to relax and release. I need to re-engage my core and re-establish dialogue between my mind and my higher self, to return to my core values. Then I need to rebuild my strength gently so as to not interupt that conversation with god with unnecessary noise from my ever faithful body which has been trying its best, bless it. I know now that to keep going on this ultra marathon will never make me stronger - it will kill me one way or another - real strength is the ability to relax and to let go. To surrender... to the higher self and the gut instincts of my own wisdom.
I share this journey of mine because I learn so much from reading and hearing other people's journeys so I hope this can help others too.
Thank you so much to Coby Langford, Mansukh Patel and everyone at Dru for shining their light. And thank you to me - for being a willing pupil on this path. Namaste xxx
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Forgiveness is the Heart of Healing
"Forgiveness is the heart of healing" (thank you Cantrell Maryott for that inspiration)
How on earth do you go about forgiving people that have hurt you? What does forgiveness look like? What does it actually mean and how do we know when we have achieved it?
In my own experience I have found saying the words "I forgive" much easier than actually doing it. I have at times genuinely believed that I have forgiven someone only to find that the anger and hurt resurfaces at a later date. The old saying "to forgive and to forget" must surely be at the be at the core of the human journey and the pinnacle of human achievement.
The topic of forgiveness has come up in conversation a lot for me recently. I was handed an interesting insight on forgiveness just the other night...
Instead of seeing forgiveness as something we attain, achieve or do can we see it differently so that it becomes a state of being which is a reflection of the place we have come to within ourselves. So instead of saying "I decide to forgive insert name" we recognise that "I am at peace within myself and I can see that because I recognise forgiveness within my heart".
If you have been following this blog then you will remember in a previous posting that I offered the opinion that if you pursue something it moves away from you and if you fight something you just make it stronger. Perhaps forgiveness is like that: the more you pursue it or try to do it the more elusive it becomes and the further you feel from healing and inner peace.
Because what is forgiveness at all if not inner peace? For me forgiveness is about the release of attachments to a particular person or phase in your life. It is about acknowledging that you and that person are on your own paths. Perhaps it's realising that you and that person have different versions of the same truth and you are at peace with your own truth and no longer feel the need to force that onto them, you allow them their truth.
Forgiveness is an state of generosity not an act of generosity. You are forgiving when you no longer experience conflict within your own heart.
I believe that to hear the words "I forgive you" and to believe them is the single most relieving experience.
Because surely the person we most need to forgive is ourselves. Talking from direct personal experience here do we not all oscillate between blaming others and blaming ourselves? How easy is it to say "I'm an idiot" "I can't believe I fell for their lies" "I'm such a sucker, I'm weak, I'm pathetic" and for your inner coach to rally you by saying "actually no, you're not an idiot for believing them, they lied, they are the liar, what a bastard!" and for your inner soft-touch to say "but they had issues, they had a hard childhood" and then for another voice to say "it keeps happening to me (poor me) I must deserve it" cue inner coach "you don't deserve that, you deserve better" and on and on and on and on.
Breathe.
Take a moment to imagine what it would be like to see yourself and those people that have hurt you in the most compassionate way. See yourself as a beautiful and complex divine creature with sensitivities and needs, gifts and wisdom. All the things that you perceive you may have done wrong or to deserve to be treated badly... can you release them? Why does that way of thinking serve you? If you acted out of sensitivity can you not love and forgive that sensitivity... after all you are human and you are not the only person on the planet with sensitivity and it is integral to who you are, love it... because it is part of you.
And when you can view yourself with self love and self respect can you hold the people that have hurt you under the same light and scrutiny. Are they not beautiful and complex and sensitive and have needs like all other human beings? Is it possible that they are trapped in cycles of self hatred, despair and negative self talk the same as you? Is it possible that affects their relationships same as you?
Can you find an example from another area of your life where you now view a difficult experience as one of the best things that could have happened to you? Maybe you were bullied but that made you strong. Maybe you were unloved but that made you care for others. Maybe you had a trauma but emerged more spiritual from it.
Can you apply that here? A philosophical angle that eventually would lead to gratitude for that difficult experience (see previous post on gratitude).
So let me draw this to a close. Forgiveness, to me, as I have said, is not something you say or do but something that you are, it is a state of being. That state is a state of inner peace that sees internal conflict and attachment to a particular phase in our lives gradually cease. Inner peace comes from self love and compassion for ourselves and for others. Forgiveness is a high state of compassion. Until you forgive yourself forgiving others cannot be. Until we forgive others we will never "forget" and when I say forget I mean move on, be at peace, live in the present moment.
So how can we be in the present moment, cease inner conflict, release attachments to the past and most importantly love ourselves?
Meditation. Yoga and meditation (for me is the perfect way). Take a moment to meditate on the heart. Be still. Breathe deeply. Imagine that at your heart is a pool of unconditional love. As each thought or judgement occurs to you imagine that you immerse it in that pool of love and that it dissolves. Breathe into it and through it. Allow emotions that surface to spill their rain and move on, remain detached from them.
You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You are the Observer of your thoughts and emotions. Don't allow them to identify you and define you.
And as the thoughts and judgements continue to be drowned in the pool of love at your heart eventually they will still and cease. Peace is all there is.
This takes time, this takes practice and if you need help from a teacher ask for it, it doesn't happen overnight. But try to take time every day to clear the mind and be in stillness. Where there is stillness there is peace, where there is peace there is forgiveness.
And remember... to err is human, to forgive divine.
You are divine xxx
How on earth do you go about forgiving people that have hurt you? What does forgiveness look like? What does it actually mean and how do we know when we have achieved it?
In my own experience I have found saying the words "I forgive" much easier than actually doing it. I have at times genuinely believed that I have forgiven someone only to find that the anger and hurt resurfaces at a later date. The old saying "to forgive and to forget" must surely be at the be at the core of the human journey and the pinnacle of human achievement.
The topic of forgiveness has come up in conversation a lot for me recently. I was handed an interesting insight on forgiveness just the other night...
Instead of seeing forgiveness as something we attain, achieve or do can we see it differently so that it becomes a state of being which is a reflection of the place we have come to within ourselves. So instead of saying "I decide to forgive insert name" we recognise that "I am at peace within myself and I can see that because I recognise forgiveness within my heart".
If you have been following this blog then you will remember in a previous posting that I offered the opinion that if you pursue something it moves away from you and if you fight something you just make it stronger. Perhaps forgiveness is like that: the more you pursue it or try to do it the more elusive it becomes and the further you feel from healing and inner peace.
Because what is forgiveness at all if not inner peace? For me forgiveness is about the release of attachments to a particular person or phase in your life. It is about acknowledging that you and that person are on your own paths. Perhaps it's realising that you and that person have different versions of the same truth and you are at peace with your own truth and no longer feel the need to force that onto them, you allow them their truth.
Forgiveness is an state of generosity not an act of generosity. You are forgiving when you no longer experience conflict within your own heart.
I believe that to hear the words "I forgive you" and to believe them is the single most relieving experience.
Because surely the person we most need to forgive is ourselves. Talking from direct personal experience here do we not all oscillate between blaming others and blaming ourselves? How easy is it to say "I'm an idiot" "I can't believe I fell for their lies" "I'm such a sucker, I'm weak, I'm pathetic" and for your inner coach to rally you by saying "actually no, you're not an idiot for believing them, they lied, they are the liar, what a bastard!" and for your inner soft-touch to say "but they had issues, they had a hard childhood" and then for another voice to say "it keeps happening to me (poor me) I must deserve it" cue inner coach "you don't deserve that, you deserve better" and on and on and on and on.
Breathe.
Take a moment to imagine what it would be like to see yourself and those people that have hurt you in the most compassionate way. See yourself as a beautiful and complex divine creature with sensitivities and needs, gifts and wisdom. All the things that you perceive you may have done wrong or to deserve to be treated badly... can you release them? Why does that way of thinking serve you? If you acted out of sensitivity can you not love and forgive that sensitivity... after all you are human and you are not the only person on the planet with sensitivity and it is integral to who you are, love it... because it is part of you.
And when you can view yourself with self love and self respect can you hold the people that have hurt you under the same light and scrutiny. Are they not beautiful and complex and sensitive and have needs like all other human beings? Is it possible that they are trapped in cycles of self hatred, despair and negative self talk the same as you? Is it possible that affects their relationships same as you?
Can you find an example from another area of your life where you now view a difficult experience as one of the best things that could have happened to you? Maybe you were bullied but that made you strong. Maybe you were unloved but that made you care for others. Maybe you had a trauma but emerged more spiritual from it.
Can you apply that here? A philosophical angle that eventually would lead to gratitude for that difficult experience (see previous post on gratitude).
So let me draw this to a close. Forgiveness, to me, as I have said, is not something you say or do but something that you are, it is a state of being. That state is a state of inner peace that sees internal conflict and attachment to a particular phase in our lives gradually cease. Inner peace comes from self love and compassion for ourselves and for others. Forgiveness is a high state of compassion. Until you forgive yourself forgiving others cannot be. Until we forgive others we will never "forget" and when I say forget I mean move on, be at peace, live in the present moment.
So how can we be in the present moment, cease inner conflict, release attachments to the past and most importantly love ourselves?
Meditation. Yoga and meditation (for me is the perfect way). Take a moment to meditate on the heart. Be still. Breathe deeply. Imagine that at your heart is a pool of unconditional love. As each thought or judgement occurs to you imagine that you immerse it in that pool of love and that it dissolves. Breathe into it and through it. Allow emotions that surface to spill their rain and move on, remain detached from them.
You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You are the Observer of your thoughts and emotions. Don't allow them to identify you and define you.
And as the thoughts and judgements continue to be drowned in the pool of love at your heart eventually they will still and cease. Peace is all there is.
This takes time, this takes practice and if you need help from a teacher ask for it, it doesn't happen overnight. But try to take time every day to clear the mind and be in stillness. Where there is stillness there is peace, where there is peace there is forgiveness.
And remember... to err is human, to forgive divine.
You are divine xxx
Monday, December 6, 2010
Affairs of the Heart
Sit a moment with your eyes closed and tune into the sound of your own heartbeat. Can you sense the physical presence of the heart beating in your chest? Can you imagine what it looks like? Can you hear the heart beat or do you feel the pulse somewhere in your body? Do you get the sense that your heart has a personality of its own? Is it like a wee animal in your chest? Does it have an energy around it? Does it glow? Or is it dark? What feelings do you hold in your heart? Is it robust, is it fragile, is it brittle, is it hard, is it soft?
Is it loved?
We might take good care of our physical heart by eating less salt, watching our alcohol intake, reducing saturated fats, taking exercise and lowering our blood pressure.
Do you take care of your etheric heart? Do you nurture your heart centre?
The heart is the most powerful instrument of peace that we have at our disposal. It has the amazing capacity to transmute hatred into love, to filter emotions and increase compassion. Our external worlds are our internal world made manifest, so what is your heart projecting? Is it the broken heart of tragic victim or is it the brave and tender heart of a warrior of light?
Mrs Tweedie said that the Divine is unlimited so in order to love the Divine our hearts must be broken so that their capacity to love is also unlimited.
Kahlil Gibran said that pain is the breaking of the shell of our understanding.
Today I have listened to 4 different stories of heartbreak. It felt like the right theme for this post. These 4 stories confirmed for me what I have sensed for a while - the collective heart is suffering. The heart of humanity has so much sadness. Can we apply Mrs Tweedie's vision to the collective heart of humanity - are we breaking our hearts together so that as a race we can break the shell of our understanding and expand our immense capacity for love?
My poor heart has been some through some tough times in my life. It experienced loss at a young age and more recently took a kicking in and out of "love". Unbelievable as it is to me now I used to think that I was quite hardhearted. I used to shut down at other people's pain and be cold and hard in the face of tragedy. I recently recieved a shamanic healing in which I saw my heart as an animal; I might have expected my hardheart to be a leathery snappy crocodile but to my surprise it was a tiny, fluffy, terrified little rabbit.
How I wept when I realised that I had left this baby rabbit to fend for itself in a hard, cruel world. It was this realisation that helped me to see my own vulnerability and to show myself compassion. (My heart is now a healthy happy thumper of a rabbit bouncing merrily and freely over meadowlands in the sunshine)
The heart chakra is called Anahata in sanskrit, which literally means the "unstruck sound". In a way the definition unstruck sound defies understanding - for me it hangs in my mind as a starkly beautiful and profoundly spiritual awareness without my mind being able to actually process the meaning. It has meaning of course, the unstruck sound is about potential, it is about the melody as yet unsung, the love that is yet to be loved, the power beneath the still waters, the iceberg beneath the water.
The heart that beats and feels and breaks and weeps is the tip of the iceberg. The full heart, the heart that is as wide and long as the universe itself is untouched by the suffering of our lower selves. Would it be too much for me to say that, for me, the heart is God. It is the union of spirit and earth. It is the centre of creation and of destruction. The yin, the yang. The light and the dark. They meet at the heart centre.
How can you look after your spirit heart? How can you nurture yourself?
Well, what do we do for the physical heart? We avoid fat that clogs it, salt that makes it work too hard, alcohol that thins the blood and stress that tires it.
What clogs the spirit heart? Heaviness, sadness, tragedy, loneliness and self pity (the fat we indulge in).
What makes the spirit hard overwork? Caring more for others than we do ourselves, over analysing ourselves, not holding ourselves in compassion, buying into life's dramas (the salt that adds "flavour").
What thins our spirit blood? Anger, small mindedness, lack of compassion for others, bitterness and lack of forgiveness - for ourselves and others.
What stresses our spirit heart? A loss of hope, of vision, a sense of futility and pointlessness and an absense of light.
So. To look after the heart the remedy is simple. Be lighthearted. Love yourself as much as you love others. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Culture compassion. Breathe. Release patterns of thought and negative behaviours by examining them and noting to yourself how they now longer serve you. Rest. Laugh. Love.
If you care for people you love then love yourself before you can care for them no longer.
Is it loved?
We might take good care of our physical heart by eating less salt, watching our alcohol intake, reducing saturated fats, taking exercise and lowering our blood pressure.
Do you take care of your etheric heart? Do you nurture your heart centre?
The heart is the most powerful instrument of peace that we have at our disposal. It has the amazing capacity to transmute hatred into love, to filter emotions and increase compassion. Our external worlds are our internal world made manifest, so what is your heart projecting? Is it the broken heart of tragic victim or is it the brave and tender heart of a warrior of light?
Mrs Tweedie said that the Divine is unlimited so in order to love the Divine our hearts must be broken so that their capacity to love is also unlimited.
Kahlil Gibran said that pain is the breaking of the shell of our understanding.
Today I have listened to 4 different stories of heartbreak. It felt like the right theme for this post. These 4 stories confirmed for me what I have sensed for a while - the collective heart is suffering. The heart of humanity has so much sadness. Can we apply Mrs Tweedie's vision to the collective heart of humanity - are we breaking our hearts together so that as a race we can break the shell of our understanding and expand our immense capacity for love?
My poor heart has been some through some tough times in my life. It experienced loss at a young age and more recently took a kicking in and out of "love". Unbelievable as it is to me now I used to think that I was quite hardhearted. I used to shut down at other people's pain and be cold and hard in the face of tragedy. I recently recieved a shamanic healing in which I saw my heart as an animal; I might have expected my hardheart to be a leathery snappy crocodile but to my surprise it was a tiny, fluffy, terrified little rabbit.
How I wept when I realised that I had left this baby rabbit to fend for itself in a hard, cruel world. It was this realisation that helped me to see my own vulnerability and to show myself compassion. (My heart is now a healthy happy thumper of a rabbit bouncing merrily and freely over meadowlands in the sunshine)
The heart chakra is called Anahata in sanskrit, which literally means the "unstruck sound". In a way the definition unstruck sound defies understanding - for me it hangs in my mind as a starkly beautiful and profoundly spiritual awareness without my mind being able to actually process the meaning. It has meaning of course, the unstruck sound is about potential, it is about the melody as yet unsung, the love that is yet to be loved, the power beneath the still waters, the iceberg beneath the water.
The heart that beats and feels and breaks and weeps is the tip of the iceberg. The full heart, the heart that is as wide and long as the universe itself is untouched by the suffering of our lower selves. Would it be too much for me to say that, for me, the heart is God. It is the union of spirit and earth. It is the centre of creation and of destruction. The yin, the yang. The light and the dark. They meet at the heart centre.
How can you look after your spirit heart? How can you nurture yourself?
Well, what do we do for the physical heart? We avoid fat that clogs it, salt that makes it work too hard, alcohol that thins the blood and stress that tires it.
What clogs the spirit heart? Heaviness, sadness, tragedy, loneliness and self pity (the fat we indulge in).
What makes the spirit hard overwork? Caring more for others than we do ourselves, over analysing ourselves, not holding ourselves in compassion, buying into life's dramas (the salt that adds "flavour").
What thins our spirit blood? Anger, small mindedness, lack of compassion for others, bitterness and lack of forgiveness - for ourselves and others.
What stresses our spirit heart? A loss of hope, of vision, a sense of futility and pointlessness and an absense of light.
So. To look after the heart the remedy is simple. Be lighthearted. Love yourself as much as you love others. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Culture compassion. Breathe. Release patterns of thought and negative behaviours by examining them and noting to yourself how they now longer serve you. Rest. Laugh. Love.
If you care for people you love then love yourself before you can care for them no longer.
If you only have yourself to love then make sure you do it well, you have no excuses!
Namaste
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Soldier of the Two Worlds
"Soldier of the two worlds" refers to the Sufi way. I am a sufi, by the way, a fact which may have eluded even those closest to me. Contrary to popular belief (and wikipedia) sufism is not islam. It is a path and a philosophy to which many muslims adhere because the Prophet Mohammed meditated and prayed in silence and the travelling Sufi teachers met Mohammed and declared he was a Sufi because of this. I like the teachings of Irina Tweedie who was a Russian lady who married a British man who left her a widow in her 50s and she embarked on a personal journey to India where she met a Hindu Sufi guru who every called Bhai Sahib (big brother) who saw in Mrs Tweedie the opportunity to transfer the Sufi teachings of his particular lineage to the West. Mrs Tweedie underwent a super-quick Enlightenment - a process which normally takes whole lifetimes over many lifetimes only took her a matter of years. Her book "Daughter of Fire" refers to this baptism of fire that she had because certainly Enlightenment is not an easy process. Bhai Sahib said that Enlightenment is the hardest thing to do when you are doing it and the easiest thing once its done. The pain and suffering that Mrs Tweedie endured was the dissolving and eradicating of her Ego. And, for sure, that Ego puts up quite a fight!
And it is this notion of fighting that I wanted to pick up on in this post. The phrase "Soldier of the Two Worlds" is a quote from Mrs Tweedie that describes the Sufi way. The myth of the Warrior permeates many of the mystic teachings.
In the Bhagavad Gita Arjuna represents the Individual as he stood on the battlefield and looked at the two warring sides, each side brothers and cousins fighting other brothers and cousins, and Arjuna despaired. Arjuna instructs his friend and charioteer Krishna to drive the chariot between the two sides and Arjuna sinks to his knees and gives up, despondent and despairing, he looks to Krishna to guide him in his darkest moment (always darkest before the dawn). It turns out that despite knowing Krishna all his life little did Arjuna know that Krishna was an avatar, an earthly incarnation of the Divine. To cut a long (but wonderful) story short Krishna counsels Arjuna that you never give up the fight. Once in battle you cannot absent yourself from your duty to fight because certainly you will be lost, your loved ones will be lost and all that you stand for will be destroyed. The battle is bigger than the self so it will rage unchecked if you refuse to play your part.
And so it is in our every day lives. The message is clear on the one hand but many faceted and layered on the other. Simply NEVER give up. Your life, your path, your destiny was never meant to be easy. (see previous blog about Destiny and Gratitude). Never give up.
The layers within this warrior myth is that it is not a carte blanche to continue to fight others. This is why I come to this discussion in my discord around Peace. Since so many world religions carry the icon of the warrior how can we elevate ourselves from the dogma to find the peace within the tradition? Please remember that I personally do not subscribe to a religion, I draw the distinction between religion and spirituality. Many people who are religious are also spiritual and I recognise them as brothers and sisters. One of the most spiritual of my friends is an Atheist and we have the most wonderful conversations (love you Annie).
Anyway I digress... where was I? The warrior and the peaceful path.
Gandhi saw the story of the Gita as an analogy for the battle within ourselves and Arjuna, like Mrs Tweedie, needed their fear-based ego removed before they could look at life anew with enlightened eyes. All conflict is about the Ego. The lower self that believes itself to be so special but is also riddled with fear and is driven towards self preservation. The lower self is the part of us that identifies with this lifetime, this reality and only that. I am what I do for a living, I am what I own, I am what I say I am... I, I, I, me, me, me. It is the Ego which loves the 4 drugs that I referred to in my last post: Anger, self pity, drama and misery.
The Ego is essential as part of the human package. It has to exist not only so it can be transcended but also because it looks out for us in a "looking after number one" kind of way. Personally I feel that if you "fight" the ego it becomes stronger. Same as if you fight anything it becomes stronger. You can apply this to illness and dis-ease within the body and mind which in itself is a manifestation of our inner conflict. If you fight it you make it stronger. If you reject it and ignore it it shouts louder and louder. Physical pain, illness, ailments - just like the Ego - are messengers and emissaries of peace on the battle ground of yourself.
So what can you do with these internal battles? Do you allow them to fight? Do you try and escape and seek oblivion? Well... the important piece of information that is missing here is that the Ego battles are not the whole of the Self. There is a Higher Self that tempers and balances the lower self. The part of you that can observe what you are thinking, can observe how you are feeling is not the thinker or the feeler. It is the part of you that is incapable of harming either yourself or others, that is completely beyond the to-ings and fro-ings of day to day existence.
The higher self - if you believe in a higher power - is that direct connection to the divine. If you don't believe in a higher power it is still your own personal god, your highest wisdom and seat of your unconditional love and compassion. For those that believe in reincarnation it is your soul as compared to your personality which is your current incarnation. This Observer to the battle cannot be harmed and it is in recognising the Observer that you start to loosen your addiction to the battle itself. By loosening your attachments to things that matter to your ego the battle starts to fall away and we gain Inner Peace.
Gandhi said "Be the Change you wish to see in the world" and what I have just outlined above is why this is his greatest of all his great teachings. For there to be Peace without oneself there must be peace within. All conflict comes from someone, or a collective, indulging their ego, living out their fears, taking what's not theirs and then others feeling that their ego is offended and fighting back.
An understanding that all that happens in the outside world is a reflection of what happens within yourself and vice versa helps us to understand the importance of self-development and settling into our inner peace.
It would be nice to say that we were born with inner peace but for those of us who believe in reincarnation and karma that is not the case. But that is talking about incarnate personality - the transcendent soul - the higher self - is always at peace. So just as fighting something makes it stronger so trying to achieve something makes it harder. If we are trying to achieve inner peace that assumes that we have not got it when in fact our natural state is one of peace and all that has happened is that we have strayed away from it.
So it is my belief that best thing we can do is instead of trying to do or achieve something is to accept that you either have it or are it or let it go. This is about gratitude again - and acceptance. What do you want more than anything in the world? ... look at how you already have it and be grateful and accept it.
Shall I give you a case study of myself... more than anything in the world I want a child, I want to be a mother. The internal battles that have characterised my teens and 20s centred around my uneasy relationship with my femininity. I had physical conditions that potentially rendered me infertile. I was miserably overweight and lacked self esteem which meant that I was unlikely to attract a father for that child. My personality wanted to be needed, to have something to care for, something worth living for, my ego wanted the pride that came from producing a child, to belong to society, to relive the happy times of my childhood. Me me me, I I I.
Can I recognise how I am already a mother? Yes, I am a nurturing and caring person. I love the contact I have with young people and the work that I do. More importantly I have come to realise that my desire to have a child was about needing to look after my inner child. I needed to nurture myself rather than looking for something outside of myself to care for. I was fighting my own inner child's voice because I didn't want to deal with the emotions that came up. In ignoring those emotions they became more and more needy, louder and louder. In accepting that there is a part of me that is a child that needs love I am able to love myself. The emotions calm, the symptoms recede and I can lovingly say to myself that I don't need to have a child to be valuable in society, I don't need a child to feel unconditional love... because I love you little Willow and you are of the highest value.
Inner peace. Not that I am proclaiming to be a living embodiment of inner peace and serenity - she laughs heartily - it is a journey and I am perhaps just one step further along than I was.
The point is that we are all tortured - to a greater or lesser extent - by the conflicts, the many voices, the fears and the insecurities - the anger, the drama, the self pity and the misery - of the ego, the personality.
The task - as I see it - is to not to absent yourself from the battle by taking substances or food or committing suicide or immersing into the emotional sea. The task is to accept that all that you seek you already have within. All that you wish you were you are already.
And that radiates from you into your world. The more peaceful you are the less conflict you experience with others. "There is no fight within me therefore you can't fight me" (a quote I think I coined but might have subconsciously remembered from elsewhere). As you fight less with others they also benefit from this peace. And the ripples emanate outwards. What conflicts might occur does not touch you because it has no access to your fears. You are the observer, you have become your Observer. The Higher Self.
So when Mrs Tweedie referred to the sufi path as being "the Soldier of the two worlds" what I interpret as the two worlds is the higher and lower self, the inner and outer world, this incarnation and the soul's journey, the duality of humanity. A soldier of love, a peacemaker, a diplomat. A soldier of discipline, non-violence and equanimity. A battle not of conflict with others but to embrace the lower self. To assimilate the ego and have it work for us not against us. To desist from beating up yourself and others for being something when acceptance of what is is the only way to peace.
You are a warrior of light. You belong to this earth - she does not belong to you. You have roots like a tree that connect you to the planet. You have your head in the stars, you are connected to the heavens. The turmoil of this world is acted out before us and we are but a player. Be disciplined and wise in the battles that you choose and never ever give up!
And it is this notion of fighting that I wanted to pick up on in this post. The phrase "Soldier of the Two Worlds" is a quote from Mrs Tweedie that describes the Sufi way. The myth of the Warrior permeates many of the mystic teachings.
In the Bhagavad Gita Arjuna represents the Individual as he stood on the battlefield and looked at the two warring sides, each side brothers and cousins fighting other brothers and cousins, and Arjuna despaired. Arjuna instructs his friend and charioteer Krishna to drive the chariot between the two sides and Arjuna sinks to his knees and gives up, despondent and despairing, he looks to Krishna to guide him in his darkest moment (always darkest before the dawn). It turns out that despite knowing Krishna all his life little did Arjuna know that Krishna was an avatar, an earthly incarnation of the Divine. To cut a long (but wonderful) story short Krishna counsels Arjuna that you never give up the fight. Once in battle you cannot absent yourself from your duty to fight because certainly you will be lost, your loved ones will be lost and all that you stand for will be destroyed. The battle is bigger than the self so it will rage unchecked if you refuse to play your part.
And so it is in our every day lives. The message is clear on the one hand but many faceted and layered on the other. Simply NEVER give up. Your life, your path, your destiny was never meant to be easy. (see previous blog about Destiny and Gratitude). Never give up.
The layers within this warrior myth is that it is not a carte blanche to continue to fight others. This is why I come to this discussion in my discord around Peace. Since so many world religions carry the icon of the warrior how can we elevate ourselves from the dogma to find the peace within the tradition? Please remember that I personally do not subscribe to a religion, I draw the distinction between religion and spirituality. Many people who are religious are also spiritual and I recognise them as brothers and sisters. One of the most spiritual of my friends is an Atheist and we have the most wonderful conversations (love you Annie).
Anyway I digress... where was I? The warrior and the peaceful path.
Gandhi saw the story of the Gita as an analogy for the battle within ourselves and Arjuna, like Mrs Tweedie, needed their fear-based ego removed before they could look at life anew with enlightened eyes. All conflict is about the Ego. The lower self that believes itself to be so special but is also riddled with fear and is driven towards self preservation. The lower self is the part of us that identifies with this lifetime, this reality and only that. I am what I do for a living, I am what I own, I am what I say I am... I, I, I, me, me, me. It is the Ego which loves the 4 drugs that I referred to in my last post: Anger, self pity, drama and misery.
The Ego is essential as part of the human package. It has to exist not only so it can be transcended but also because it looks out for us in a "looking after number one" kind of way. Personally I feel that if you "fight" the ego it becomes stronger. Same as if you fight anything it becomes stronger. You can apply this to illness and dis-ease within the body and mind which in itself is a manifestation of our inner conflict. If you fight it you make it stronger. If you reject it and ignore it it shouts louder and louder. Physical pain, illness, ailments - just like the Ego - are messengers and emissaries of peace on the battle ground of yourself.
So what can you do with these internal battles? Do you allow them to fight? Do you try and escape and seek oblivion? Well... the important piece of information that is missing here is that the Ego battles are not the whole of the Self. There is a Higher Self that tempers and balances the lower self. The part of you that can observe what you are thinking, can observe how you are feeling is not the thinker or the feeler. It is the part of you that is incapable of harming either yourself or others, that is completely beyond the to-ings and fro-ings of day to day existence.
The higher self - if you believe in a higher power - is that direct connection to the divine. If you don't believe in a higher power it is still your own personal god, your highest wisdom and seat of your unconditional love and compassion. For those that believe in reincarnation it is your soul as compared to your personality which is your current incarnation. This Observer to the battle cannot be harmed and it is in recognising the Observer that you start to loosen your addiction to the battle itself. By loosening your attachments to things that matter to your ego the battle starts to fall away and we gain Inner Peace.
Gandhi said "Be the Change you wish to see in the world" and what I have just outlined above is why this is his greatest of all his great teachings. For there to be Peace without oneself there must be peace within. All conflict comes from someone, or a collective, indulging their ego, living out their fears, taking what's not theirs and then others feeling that their ego is offended and fighting back.
An understanding that all that happens in the outside world is a reflection of what happens within yourself and vice versa helps us to understand the importance of self-development and settling into our inner peace.
It would be nice to say that we were born with inner peace but for those of us who believe in reincarnation and karma that is not the case. But that is talking about incarnate personality - the transcendent soul - the higher self - is always at peace. So just as fighting something makes it stronger so trying to achieve something makes it harder. If we are trying to achieve inner peace that assumes that we have not got it when in fact our natural state is one of peace and all that has happened is that we have strayed away from it.
So it is my belief that best thing we can do is instead of trying to do or achieve something is to accept that you either have it or are it or let it go. This is about gratitude again - and acceptance. What do you want more than anything in the world? ... look at how you already have it and be grateful and accept it.
Shall I give you a case study of myself... more than anything in the world I want a child, I want to be a mother. The internal battles that have characterised my teens and 20s centred around my uneasy relationship with my femininity. I had physical conditions that potentially rendered me infertile. I was miserably overweight and lacked self esteem which meant that I was unlikely to attract a father for that child. My personality wanted to be needed, to have something to care for, something worth living for, my ego wanted the pride that came from producing a child, to belong to society, to relive the happy times of my childhood. Me me me, I I I.
Can I recognise how I am already a mother? Yes, I am a nurturing and caring person. I love the contact I have with young people and the work that I do. More importantly I have come to realise that my desire to have a child was about needing to look after my inner child. I needed to nurture myself rather than looking for something outside of myself to care for. I was fighting my own inner child's voice because I didn't want to deal with the emotions that came up. In ignoring those emotions they became more and more needy, louder and louder. In accepting that there is a part of me that is a child that needs love I am able to love myself. The emotions calm, the symptoms recede and I can lovingly say to myself that I don't need to have a child to be valuable in society, I don't need a child to feel unconditional love... because I love you little Willow and you are of the highest value.
Inner peace. Not that I am proclaiming to be a living embodiment of inner peace and serenity - she laughs heartily - it is a journey and I am perhaps just one step further along than I was.
The point is that we are all tortured - to a greater or lesser extent - by the conflicts, the many voices, the fears and the insecurities - the anger, the drama, the self pity and the misery - of the ego, the personality.
The task - as I see it - is to not to absent yourself from the battle by taking substances or food or committing suicide or immersing into the emotional sea. The task is to accept that all that you seek you already have within. All that you wish you were you are already.
And that radiates from you into your world. The more peaceful you are the less conflict you experience with others. "There is no fight within me therefore you can't fight me" (a quote I think I coined but might have subconsciously remembered from elsewhere). As you fight less with others they also benefit from this peace. And the ripples emanate outwards. What conflicts might occur does not touch you because it has no access to your fears. You are the observer, you have become your Observer. The Higher Self.
So when Mrs Tweedie referred to the sufi path as being "the Soldier of the two worlds" what I interpret as the two worlds is the higher and lower self, the inner and outer world, this incarnation and the soul's journey, the duality of humanity. A soldier of love, a peacemaker, a diplomat. A soldier of discipline, non-violence and equanimity. A battle not of conflict with others but to embrace the lower self. To assimilate the ego and have it work for us not against us. To desist from beating up yourself and others for being something when acceptance of what is is the only way to peace.
You are a warrior of light. You belong to this earth - she does not belong to you. You have roots like a tree that connect you to the planet. You have your head in the stars, you are connected to the heavens. The turmoil of this world is acted out before us and we are but a player. Be disciplined and wise in the battles that you choose and never ever give up!
Friday, December 3, 2010
An attitude of gratitude
I suspect that over time the frequency of these blogs will decrease to once a day but right now it's still a novelty. Not least because on sharing it on facebook I got a positive comment and the very fact that someone might be interested in what I had to say spurred me on. So... looking at the list, at the end of the last one, of topics that I would like to cover I then thought that I should keep it light - for now - because while I have some pretty firm opinions about some very weighty topics I don't want to discourage people from reading me just yet.
So let's start with the notion of Gratitude. This is something that I have been meditating on for a few weeks now. Do you ever get the feeling that the universe is trying to tell you something? A concept comes through in everything you read and talk about, hear in songs on the radio, dream about... yes? Not just me then. And in the last few weeks it has been about gratitude.
Let me place a caveat here and then dispense with the formalities later - these are my opinions, borne out my personal experience. So even if I don't say "in my opinion..." please don't think that I'm lecturing; it's more likely that I am in the Flow. But they are just that - my views and my opinions and are as valid as all others.
Gratitude. To me genuine gratitude is the difference between sadness and happiness. Because let's face it very few people have the perfect life. Shit happens and for some people shit keeps happening time and time again. It seems though that there are two types of people in the world: victims of fate and masters of destiny and those people who feel that they are Captain of their own ships are those that generally feel happier, more in control and able to cope with any given situation.
Fate and destiny to me have some notable features in common not least the common misconception that what happens to you is either you fate or your destiny. I disagree, in my opinion it is not what happens to you in real time - your day to day life - that makes your destiny but the internal journey of learning that comes from those experiences.
I imagine that we are walking on a path and there are many trials along that path. One person might suffer greatly at every trial and bemoan their fate. Another may welcome the challenges as opportunities to learn and grow and become stronger with every trial thus they embrace their destiny. So... if the path itself was our fate then those two people would have had the same experience. Fate and destiny are not things that happen to us but reactions that happen within us.
Fate and destiny are not things outside of our control but are a series of choices that we make that have consequences and that shape our lives. I personally believe that we affect our own destinies on a second by second basis but that the single greatest cause of unhappiness, depression and despondency is the inability to see that. To feel out of control, to not take responsibility for our lives, is to believe that we are victims of fate.
The first cry of indignation that rises when we look at this notion of us all being creators of our destiny is that those of us that have suffered greatly on the path at a time in our lives, perhaps, when we would have been too young to have been reasonably in charge of anything, will say that there are indeed victims in this world. Children who are abused, people with severe illnesses and disabilities, the world's poor, the innocent victims of war, people who are tortured, exploited and forgotten.
And it is at this point that I realise that I have inadvertently strayed into something very dark and deep while trying to keep it light. Sigh... this is how my mind works folks, bear with me.
It is very hard to look the world's "victims" in the eye and say "you are master of your own destiny, you are not a victim of fate" (and in fact I bearly can) but remember what I started to say about it not being the path outside of ourselves that is our fate but the path within. So, sure enough, atrocities are enacted upon innocents from the time they are conceived and that living incarnation would be well within their rights to say "I don't deserve this, poor me" but it is the internal process of assimilation and understanding, the accumulation of either hatred or wisdom, that continues to determine whether someone is a victim or not.
(I have a personal belief which, in blog 2 of many, I won't go into detail about here but it is relevant to say that I believe that we do create our own destiny from a space outside of our experience of this incarnation. I believe we are equal partners in a cosmic process of determining the necessary experiences in life that our soul requires to grow and expand, to redress the rights and wrongs of many lifetimes - yes, Karma - but please don't let this term detract from what I am saying here, I'll explore this in more depth at another time)
Back to what I was saying. Was Nelson Mandela a victim of fate? Was Aung San Su Kyi a victim of fate? Was Anne Frank a victim of fate? Was Gandhi a victim of fate? Nope. I hardly think that anyone can say that these people lay down and gave up in the face of their trials. All over this beautiful planet there are millions of examples of people experiencing the most horrendous hardships and maintaining their humanity, their compassion, their humour and their ability to find good in a situation.
Depression is an affliction of the western world. It is in the absence of life-threatening trials and doorstep atrocities that we allow our gaze to lower to our feet, for the dull heavyness to encircle our hearts and for the tears of self pity to flow. Without a rallying call, without a battle to fight the battle goes within and we go to war with ourselves.
At the same time please do not feel that I am attacking those people who struggle with the feeling that they are not masters of their destiny and that shit keeps happening to them and they feel awful and helpless about it. My God I never would because I am one of those people myself from time to time. In fact for long periods of time during which all hope has left me, all light and joy has deserted me and I have completely lost the will and vision to continue. I have been there - and despite my joyous blogging I expect I'll go there again in the future.
The key here is... gratitude. And my reflections recently have been about the different types of gratitude. Consider Christmas Day and you get a present that someone has been kind enough to spend lots of money on or lots of time choosing but it's really not your kind of thing. You're grateful, right? What if someone didn't spend much time or money but bought you something practical that you will use? Grateful, because it's only polite for sure? What if someone said honestly to you that they didn't feel the need to get you a present? BUT what about if someone got you the ultimate gift that lifted your soul, something that said they knew you and got you and it was something that would immeasurably enhance your life... a different gratitude again.
I feel that when you first start the difficult journey of learning to be grateful for the "bad" things that have happened to you it often feels like a begrudging gratitude like for a gift you don't want. Then there comes an acceptance that the gift will be of some practical use and the practical gratitude feels different from begrudging one. It feels more palatable but there is still no sparkle. Eventually though you may catch yourself - even just for a moment - thinking "oh my goodness I am an amazing person" "wow, just think what I've lived through and what wisdom I have to share" "look at the amazing people in my life... the fact they are there means I must be as amazing as them" and the sun floods in over your darkened horizon.
Joy, joy, joy, joy, joy! That moment - even if it were fleeting, is that feeling of genuine, heartfelt gratitude that what didn't kill you made you stronger, that you are a product not only of your trials but of your positive outlook and willingness to learn. An understanding and a wisdom that you could only have achieved in a baptism of fire. That your broken heart has expanded with each break, has fixed itself stronger. Thank you! You say to the people who hurt you. Thank you! to the car that smashed into yours. Thank you! to the aggressors and abusers and small minded bullies. Thank you from the bottom of my enormous heart because I am ME and I love who I am. I love you so much for all that you did because all that you did helped me to be the amazing person that I am.
Of course... this depends on you seeing yourself as a beautiful, divine, good and amazing person. That's for another blog perhaps. Namaste xxx
So let's start with the notion of Gratitude. This is something that I have been meditating on for a few weeks now. Do you ever get the feeling that the universe is trying to tell you something? A concept comes through in everything you read and talk about, hear in songs on the radio, dream about... yes? Not just me then. And in the last few weeks it has been about gratitude.
Let me place a caveat here and then dispense with the formalities later - these are my opinions, borne out my personal experience. So even if I don't say "in my opinion..." please don't think that I'm lecturing; it's more likely that I am in the Flow. But they are just that - my views and my opinions and are as valid as all others.
Gratitude. To me genuine gratitude is the difference between sadness and happiness. Because let's face it very few people have the perfect life. Shit happens and for some people shit keeps happening time and time again. It seems though that there are two types of people in the world: victims of fate and masters of destiny and those people who feel that they are Captain of their own ships are those that generally feel happier, more in control and able to cope with any given situation.
Fate and destiny to me have some notable features in common not least the common misconception that what happens to you is either you fate or your destiny. I disagree, in my opinion it is not what happens to you in real time - your day to day life - that makes your destiny but the internal journey of learning that comes from those experiences.
I imagine that we are walking on a path and there are many trials along that path. One person might suffer greatly at every trial and bemoan their fate. Another may welcome the challenges as opportunities to learn and grow and become stronger with every trial thus they embrace their destiny. So... if the path itself was our fate then those two people would have had the same experience. Fate and destiny are not things that happen to us but reactions that happen within us.
Fate and destiny are not things outside of our control but are a series of choices that we make that have consequences and that shape our lives. I personally believe that we affect our own destinies on a second by second basis but that the single greatest cause of unhappiness, depression and despondency is the inability to see that. To feel out of control, to not take responsibility for our lives, is to believe that we are victims of fate.
The first cry of indignation that rises when we look at this notion of us all being creators of our destiny is that those of us that have suffered greatly on the path at a time in our lives, perhaps, when we would have been too young to have been reasonably in charge of anything, will say that there are indeed victims in this world. Children who are abused, people with severe illnesses and disabilities, the world's poor, the innocent victims of war, people who are tortured, exploited and forgotten.
And it is at this point that I realise that I have inadvertently strayed into something very dark and deep while trying to keep it light. Sigh... this is how my mind works folks, bear with me.
It is very hard to look the world's "victims" in the eye and say "you are master of your own destiny, you are not a victim of fate" (and in fact I bearly can) but remember what I started to say about it not being the path outside of ourselves that is our fate but the path within. So, sure enough, atrocities are enacted upon innocents from the time they are conceived and that living incarnation would be well within their rights to say "I don't deserve this, poor me" but it is the internal process of assimilation and understanding, the accumulation of either hatred or wisdom, that continues to determine whether someone is a victim or not.
(I have a personal belief which, in blog 2 of many, I won't go into detail about here but it is relevant to say that I believe that we do create our own destiny from a space outside of our experience of this incarnation. I believe we are equal partners in a cosmic process of determining the necessary experiences in life that our soul requires to grow and expand, to redress the rights and wrongs of many lifetimes - yes, Karma - but please don't let this term detract from what I am saying here, I'll explore this in more depth at another time)
Back to what I was saying. Was Nelson Mandela a victim of fate? Was Aung San Su Kyi a victim of fate? Was Anne Frank a victim of fate? Was Gandhi a victim of fate? Nope. I hardly think that anyone can say that these people lay down and gave up in the face of their trials. All over this beautiful planet there are millions of examples of people experiencing the most horrendous hardships and maintaining their humanity, their compassion, their humour and their ability to find good in a situation.
Depression is an affliction of the western world. It is in the absence of life-threatening trials and doorstep atrocities that we allow our gaze to lower to our feet, for the dull heavyness to encircle our hearts and for the tears of self pity to flow. Without a rallying call, without a battle to fight the battle goes within and we go to war with ourselves.
At the same time please do not feel that I am attacking those people who struggle with the feeling that they are not masters of their destiny and that shit keeps happening to them and they feel awful and helpless about it. My God I never would because I am one of those people myself from time to time. In fact for long periods of time during which all hope has left me, all light and joy has deserted me and I have completely lost the will and vision to continue. I have been there - and despite my joyous blogging I expect I'll go there again in the future.
The key here is... gratitude. And my reflections recently have been about the different types of gratitude. Consider Christmas Day and you get a present that someone has been kind enough to spend lots of money on or lots of time choosing but it's really not your kind of thing. You're grateful, right? What if someone didn't spend much time or money but bought you something practical that you will use? Grateful, because it's only polite for sure? What if someone said honestly to you that they didn't feel the need to get you a present? BUT what about if someone got you the ultimate gift that lifted your soul, something that said they knew you and got you and it was something that would immeasurably enhance your life... a different gratitude again.
I feel that when you first start the difficult journey of learning to be grateful for the "bad" things that have happened to you it often feels like a begrudging gratitude like for a gift you don't want. Then there comes an acceptance that the gift will be of some practical use and the practical gratitude feels different from begrudging one. It feels more palatable but there is still no sparkle. Eventually though you may catch yourself - even just for a moment - thinking "oh my goodness I am an amazing person" "wow, just think what I've lived through and what wisdom I have to share" "look at the amazing people in my life... the fact they are there means I must be as amazing as them" and the sun floods in over your darkened horizon.
Joy, joy, joy, joy, joy! That moment - even if it were fleeting, is that feeling of genuine, heartfelt gratitude that what didn't kill you made you stronger, that you are a product not only of your trials but of your positive outlook and willingness to learn. An understanding and a wisdom that you could only have achieved in a baptism of fire. That your broken heart has expanded with each break, has fixed itself stronger. Thank you! You say to the people who hurt you. Thank you! to the car that smashed into yours. Thank you! to the aggressors and abusers and small minded bullies. Thank you from the bottom of my enormous heart because I am ME and I love who I am. I love you so much for all that you did because all that you did helped me to be the amazing person that I am.
Of course... this depends on you seeing yourself as a beautiful, divine, good and amazing person. That's for another blog perhaps. Namaste xxx
Hello? Can you hear me in the dark?
I know that it's not just me that feels the cosmic tightening of the screws at the moment. Life, it seems, for most people is becoming more and more challenging. Not - I hasten to add - in an apocalyptic life-or-death kind of way - but seriously trying nonetheless. My sense is that the day to day grind is getting to people more and more. I have a number of theories as to why this is and even more ideas about what we can do about it. I have entitled my blog Darkness before the Dawn and that title "came" to me and I like it. It allows me to explore the various circumstances of people that I meet in my everyday life and (I hope) offer some hope.
Let me start by setting out my stall. I am not your run of the mill hippy who might skip around in a kaftan chanting peace and love, peace and love... I am however committed to Peace and to playing my part in securing the future of this planet and humanity. The reason that I would say I'm not your average hippy is that I would challenge anyone to write me off as insubstantial, crazy, lazy or flaky. Left field I may be but don't underestimate the powerhouse that is my noggin accompanied with an almost inexhaustible energy and drive to act, to work, to change. And I'm not alone, there is a number within my generation of supercharged renaissance children of love that look at the way our parents generation fought for human rights and revolution while drugging themselves up and shagging like rabbits and we can see what they were trying to do but can see where they went wrong as well. Rather than rejecting the principles of 60s generation it is for us to understand what we need to do now, in the 21st century, to lead humanity into a new way of Being - away from a destructive way of Doing.
This brings me to the notion of Revolution. There are few notable examples, in my humble opinion, where revolution has provided a long term sustainable positive result. For the most part the status quo is restored within a decade and those that seize power become corrupted. The oppressed become the oppressors.
And yet Revolution is what I am committed to. I was once challenged, unawares and unprepared, by a very powerful and influential man who pointed at me and asked "what are you on this earth to do?" and I replied, without even waiting for my heart to beat: "to lead a revolution". Surprised him, surprised me even more! Not least because, as I point out above, I don't believe in the tradition view of revolution.
To me it's about a revolution of consciousness and of the heart. Whether I'm "leading" in a hierarchical sense is debatable but in terms of being at the forefront of my generation preparing for our future, in terms of connecting with other natural born leaders with compassion and spirit... it would be disrespectful to deny the gifts and vision that has been afforded to me. Playing small does not serve me or anyone else but humility and a humble spirit is the essential quality of a good leader. (I think this is the subject for a blog in itself)
Anyway, I believe that we are living on the threshold of a new age (clearly not my idea, plenty of people know this) and that the turmoil that we observe in the world: economic and political upheaval, protests in the streets, rising nationalism and fascism, financial hardship, job losses, global scandals, climate change, harsh winters, rising costs of living, high emotions, increasing disillusionment and social drift... this is the darkness before the dawn. Like in our personal life so it is on a collective scale: we have to reach rock bottom, we have to experience crisis and chaos before we make sustainable change for the better.
And within that let me say that within the collective experience comes the collective histrionics and melodrama; we all buy into the "dreadful" situation and collectively we become depressed or angry or self pitying. Drama, anger, self-pity and misery: the four drugs of humanity that we find it hardest to free ourselves from. I call upon everyone to remain mindful of the world outside their front door - never retreat to the point of denial of your connection to the rest of the human race - take time out (by all means) but come back. But I also call on everyone to remain positive wherever possible. Please don't use the collective growing anger and misery to indulge your own addictions to these bitter pills.
If you feel that the kindness of people is not there anymore go out and do a kind act. You will see that love returned manyfold. If you feel that the world is a dark place then light a candle and gaze into that flame - reconnect with the simple beauty of fire. If you feel that you never see anyone smiling anymore - smile, smile, smile, smile, smile. Touch the arm of someone as they talk to you. Bite your tongue when judgements rise in conversation. Keep any gossip you hear to yourself. Give someone a compliment. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile, wink at yourself and say "I love you". Take a split second to see a flower or dog or reflection in a puddle and just remind yourself of how beautiful the world still is, how resilient hope is in even the darkest of times.
And.... enough for now but there will be more. I want to explore a number of issues that I feel very strongly about. So you can look forward to my womblings on the need to increase compassion within public services, the role of faith and spirituality as opposed to religious dogma, the cosmic shift to the age of Aquarius, the importance of reconnecting to our ancestors, the flawed notion of time being linear, the importance of Community, the collective Human Soul, our moral duty to eliminate slavery, the case study of the "Democratic" Rep of Congo, Self-reliance and sustainable living, creating Arcs for the coming flood... so much to come!
Let me start by setting out my stall. I am not your run of the mill hippy who might skip around in a kaftan chanting peace and love, peace and love... I am however committed to Peace and to playing my part in securing the future of this planet and humanity. The reason that I would say I'm not your average hippy is that I would challenge anyone to write me off as insubstantial, crazy, lazy or flaky. Left field I may be but don't underestimate the powerhouse that is my noggin accompanied with an almost inexhaustible energy and drive to act, to work, to change. And I'm not alone, there is a number within my generation of supercharged renaissance children of love that look at the way our parents generation fought for human rights and revolution while drugging themselves up and shagging like rabbits and we can see what they were trying to do but can see where they went wrong as well. Rather than rejecting the principles of 60s generation it is for us to understand what we need to do now, in the 21st century, to lead humanity into a new way of Being - away from a destructive way of Doing.
This brings me to the notion of Revolution. There are few notable examples, in my humble opinion, where revolution has provided a long term sustainable positive result. For the most part the status quo is restored within a decade and those that seize power become corrupted. The oppressed become the oppressors.
And yet Revolution is what I am committed to. I was once challenged, unawares and unprepared, by a very powerful and influential man who pointed at me and asked "what are you on this earth to do?" and I replied, without even waiting for my heart to beat: "to lead a revolution". Surprised him, surprised me even more! Not least because, as I point out above, I don't believe in the tradition view of revolution.
To me it's about a revolution of consciousness and of the heart. Whether I'm "leading" in a hierarchical sense is debatable but in terms of being at the forefront of my generation preparing for our future, in terms of connecting with other natural born leaders with compassion and spirit... it would be disrespectful to deny the gifts and vision that has been afforded to me. Playing small does not serve me or anyone else but humility and a humble spirit is the essential quality of a good leader. (I think this is the subject for a blog in itself)
Anyway, I believe that we are living on the threshold of a new age (clearly not my idea, plenty of people know this) and that the turmoil that we observe in the world: economic and political upheaval, protests in the streets, rising nationalism and fascism, financial hardship, job losses, global scandals, climate change, harsh winters, rising costs of living, high emotions, increasing disillusionment and social drift... this is the darkness before the dawn. Like in our personal life so it is on a collective scale: we have to reach rock bottom, we have to experience crisis and chaos before we make sustainable change for the better.
And within that let me say that within the collective experience comes the collective histrionics and melodrama; we all buy into the "dreadful" situation and collectively we become depressed or angry or self pitying. Drama, anger, self-pity and misery: the four drugs of humanity that we find it hardest to free ourselves from. I call upon everyone to remain mindful of the world outside their front door - never retreat to the point of denial of your connection to the rest of the human race - take time out (by all means) but come back. But I also call on everyone to remain positive wherever possible. Please don't use the collective growing anger and misery to indulge your own addictions to these bitter pills.
If you feel that the kindness of people is not there anymore go out and do a kind act. You will see that love returned manyfold. If you feel that the world is a dark place then light a candle and gaze into that flame - reconnect with the simple beauty of fire. If you feel that you never see anyone smiling anymore - smile, smile, smile, smile, smile. Touch the arm of someone as they talk to you. Bite your tongue when judgements rise in conversation. Keep any gossip you hear to yourself. Give someone a compliment. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile, wink at yourself and say "I love you". Take a split second to see a flower or dog or reflection in a puddle and just remind yourself of how beautiful the world still is, how resilient hope is in even the darkest of times.
And.... enough for now but there will be more. I want to explore a number of issues that I feel very strongly about. So you can look forward to my womblings on the need to increase compassion within public services, the role of faith and spirituality as opposed to religious dogma, the cosmic shift to the age of Aquarius, the importance of reconnecting to our ancestors, the flawed notion of time being linear, the importance of Community, the collective Human Soul, our moral duty to eliminate slavery, the case study of the "Democratic" Rep of Congo, Self-reliance and sustainable living, creating Arcs for the coming flood... so much to come!
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